I Figured I Owed You One
by theycallmemichelle
Summary: Chair dialogue oneshot for Dezilacious Dialogue challenge in the Gossip Girl Challenges forum. Chuck and Blair discuss many things I felt they should discuss. ChuckXBlair rated T.


"Why did you sleep with Vanessa?"

"Random question, but okay. May I ask why you slept with Jack first?"

"Answer my question first."

"I don't remember. I think we got drunk first, and then to my surprise but absolute pleasure she capitulated to my sudden advances—twice."

"You slept with her _two_ times?"

"In a row. But we agreed never to speak of it again, to forget all about it."

"Then how did Gossip Girl find out?"

"Maybe Vanessa's Gossip Girl."

"I doubt it. She doesn't have potential."

"Well, if she is Gossip Girl, then that meddlesome bitch is sure good in bed."

"Chuck!"

"You did say you wanted this relationship to have honesty."

"Yes, but that detail was something I could have gone my whole life without knowing."

"Forgive me for failing to omit something that was just as good the second time."

"Forgiven. But was she…?"

"Better than you? Never."

"Good."

"Now answer my question."

"Why'd I sleep with Jack?"

"Exactly."

"For one thing, he was probably the worst man in bed I have ever met."

"And the best is…?"

"You, no contest."

"And how many have you slept with?"

"Four. You first, then Nate, then Jack, then Carter."

"So why Jack?"

"…"

"Blair?"

"Ithoughthewasyou."

"Come again?"

"I. Thought. He. Was. You."

"You thought he was _me_? But you said he was the worst, and I was the best. How could you possibly—?"

"Your father had just died. I thought maybe your edge was off."

"Trust me, Waldorf, dead father or not, I never lose my edge."

"I'll take your word for it."

"You can take more than that, if you want."

"I'm good."

"No, you're spectacular."

"In general or just in bed?"

"Both."

"Yeah, but that I already knew."

"So how did you confuse Jack with me, other than the fact of the dwindling edge?"

"The lights were off. You obviously inherited his voice. And he called me pussycat."

"Only I call you that, how did he—?"

"Who knows what nonsense you blabbered to Jack when he found you wasted in Thailand."

"Good point."

"He told me he was Jack only after I slept with him."

"Asshole."

"No, he's a _Bass_hole, which is also my fond nickname of you when you're not around."

"What'd you do when you found out?"

"Bitch-slapped him."

"I bet you looked hot."

"I thought we already established that I am spectacular in every way? Including level of hotness."

"True."

"I have another question."

"Does it have to do with sex?"

"No."

"How dull."

"Why did you leave?"

"Leave _when_? I have been off the Gossip Girl radar several times."

"The night of your father's funeral. I woke up and you were gone, all there was left was a note."

"Oh. That."

"It made me feel empty, like the feeling when you get a huge ice cream cone and it falls on the ground."

"By the way, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?"

"Chuck. Don't beat around the bush. Why did you leave me?"

"Because I had hurt you. And I knew I couldn't fix it."

"I didn't need you to fix it. I had forgiven you the moment I found you in my room."

"Bullshit."

"It's true! Your father had just died. I didn't blame you for being…"

"Hurtful? Depressing? Traitorous?"

"Confused. With a side of pigheadedness."

"Touché."

"But I would have forgiven you."

"C'mon, Waldorf. You told me you loved me and I said too bad. You were there for me the whole funeral and I abandoned you and ran away to Thailand."

"Still would have been forgiven, if you stayed."

"You didn't forgive me when you threw me that brunch and Jack set me up."

"Keywords: Jack set you up. If I had known I might have."

"I called you a stupid wife."

"I got over that."

"Don't lie."

"I'm not. Why do you think I'm talking to you now?"

"True."

"I have one more question."

"Ask away."

"Why do you love me?"

"…"

"Chuck?"

"Why do _you_ love _me_?"

"My question first."

"…"

"Chuck."

"Why do I love you? Hmm…because you're drop dead gorgeous, not to mention sexy. You're funny when you manipulate people. You're sweet. And you can lie your ass of and no one knows."

"I'm flattered."

"Plus you're amazing in bed."

"Is that all?"

"Tons. But I don't want to bore you."

"Which you are perfectly capable of doing."

"So, what about you?"

"What _about_ me?"

"Why do you love me?"

"Who says I do?"

"You did. Remember? Twice."

"Right. And you rejected me—twice."

"You said you forgave me."

"You also said I can lie my ass off."

"So I did. But why do you love me?"

"Because I do. 'Cause you're a romantic, you treat a girl right even if she's being used, and you yourself are very good in bed. Oh, and you're a much better king than Nate."

"Too bad you didn't take me to prom."

"Ah, prom. It was perfect, just like—,"

"In your scrapbook?"

"How did you know about my scrapbook?"

"I'm Chuck Bass."

"What's your point?"

"My point is that it wasn't daddy dearest who sent you your dream dress, just like it wasn't all of the Constance Billard senior student body that not only smothered your ex-friends' plan to make Nelly Yuki prom queen, but they also voted for you. About a hundred-fifty times."

"Again, what's your point?"

"My point is that it was me who made your prom perfect."

"_You_?"

"Yes, me."

"You voted for me a hundred fifty times? And got me my dress?"

"Guilty."

"Why?"

"Because I figured I owed you one after ruining your debutante ball last year."

"One? Try fifty."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

"You could say those three little words again."

"Fifty times?"

"No. Once is enough. But don't worry, I'll think of other ways of payment."

"Will they be pleasurable?"

"If you're a good boy."

"I love you."

"I already knew that."


End file.
